One Trick Mind
by LauraCynthia
Summary: Obi Wan and Anakin pick up a stray in their travels. How will Obi Wan get rid of him?


"So where are we going?" The Ilhousian trader stuffed his dirty hands in his pockets and followed after the two Jedi as they headed away from the marketplace at a fast clip.

Obi Wan gritted his teeth and clenched his fists at his sides. "' _We_ are not going _anywhere_. Myself and my padawan-" - he indicated Anakin to his left - "- have important Jedi business to see to. If you will _kindly_ excuse us? Good day." He huffed out an annoyed breath and continued on his way, passing two food sellers and a woman surrounded by cages of exotic birds. The hem of his robe caught on one of the cages as he passed. With a sharp tug, he released it and kept going.

Anakin turned to the trader and shrugged, tugging at his collar and nodding his head in his master's direction. He then flipped a coin at the Ilhousian, who caught it one-handed and continued to follow them as though nothing had happened.

Obi Wan looked over his shoulder. "Nice going, Anakin. You might as well have thrown him a _bone_. Now we'll _never_ get rid of him."

Anakin shrugged.

After stuffing the coin in his pocket, the trader ducked underneath another man carrying a platter of blue grapes and jumped over a small brown furry creature that darted across the street. "Are you going to fight somebody with your laser sticks? I'd like to see that!" He picked up a piece of wood from a firewood seller's stall and jumped in front of the Jedi, jousting with imaginary adversaries. "Shoom! Shoom!" After two quick swings, the third whacked Obi Wan in the shin.

The older Jedi grabbed the stick from the trader's hand and tossed it aside. "Shoom. Would you like to be on the receiving end?" he asked.

"Relax," Anakin assured the trader. "We don't fight unarmed civilians. Much."

"Gotcha." The trader grinned, showing unusually clean teeth. "I've never met a Jedi before. How many droids have you killed? Do they fall apart, or explode?" He backed up, facing them, deftly hopping over a sleeping man in the middle of the pathway. "Say," he offered, hands spread apart, "if you fellas ever need somebody to listen at a doorway, or get the dope on who's doing what around here, just look me up. Kaii Gramian hears a lot of things, 'cause people think I'm..." He tapped his forehead. "...not all put together quite right, you know what I'm saying?"

Obi Wan nodded. "I'm sure he does. Now if only _he_ could _listen_ as well as he hears." He directed a pleading look at Anakin, one which seemed to say, _How are we going to get rid of him_? Anakin shrugged, smiling.

"Yeah, that's what I always say. Nobody ever listens to me." Gramian leaned one hand on the side of a building, blocking their path. "I'm a lot smarter than people think I am. That's the key." He jabbed a forefinger at the Jedi. "Always ask questions. That's the only way you'll ever learn anything." He drew in the dust with the toe of his shoe. "So about this fellow you're looking for. Mokus Unpunnja. What's he done, anyway?"

Obi Wan pushed past the trader, not looking down. "He's a trafficker of persons, if you _must_ know."

"Slave seller," Anakin clarified. "A very bad man."

Gramian kicked a stone. "Let's go get him. I hate those guys. You know, I was almost sold into slavery myself once. You won't believe how." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Let's see, I was into my fifteenth growing season - or was it my fourteenth? Anyway, me and a couple of my mates were hanging around at Kadsteo Spaceport, trying to hire ourselves out as cargo loaders, when - no, wait," he paused, scratching his head, "it was my _sixteenth_. That's it. So me and Viema and Loteltok were knocking back cups of Thedo, when this beautiful woman comes in. She's _gorgeous_. Of course, we were all surprised when she started heading for _our_ table. And-"

"Look," Obi Wan interrupted, grabbing the man's arm and turning him around. "I've no doubt your life story is _riveting,_ but unfortunately, our mission does not revolve around you. We have far more urgent matters to take care of, which is why..." An odd gleam crept into his eyes. "...I've decided to take you with us. Close your mouth, Anakin," Obi Wan admonished his padawan, his usual serious expression returning.

Gramian grinned. "Really? So that makes me, what, an honorary Jedi?"

Obi Wan nodded.

"Wow." The trader looked down at his feet, chuckling. "Wait 'til I tell the boys at Orkole's."

" _On_ -" Obi Wan held up his right index finger in Gramian's face. "-one condition."

"Name it."

With a wink at Anakin, Obi Wan turned back to the trader. He raised his hand and pointed two fingers at the Ilhousian, who followed the motion from right to left. "You will _not_ do what I tell you."

"You got-" Gramian's face scrunched up in confusion. "Huh? What'd you say?"

"You will _not_ do what I tell you." Obi Wan repeated the gesture, his eyes intensely boring into Gramian's.

"I will not do what you tell me," Gramian parroted back, a dazed look on his face. He broke eye contact with the Jedi, shook his head back and forth, and rubbed his chin, thinking. "Wait. If I do what you say, then I'm supposed to _not_ do what you say." He extended one hand to the side. "But if I don't do what you say, then I _am_ doing what you say. Which means I...no, that's wrong. If I do what...hmmm..." He glanced back and forth between each hand, raising and lowering them alternately. "If I _don't_ do..." His jaw went slack. "I-I..." He looked from right to left and then right again, thoroughly confused, and continued mumbling to himself, his pursuit of the Jedi forgotten.

Obi Wan pushed past the trader and crossed the road, beckoning for Anakin to follow him. As they ducked down an alley, the younger Jedi snickered. "That was _brilliant,_ Master."

Obi Wan glanced over his shoulder, a smug look on his face. "Oh, did you like it? I've been saving that one for a special occasion." He ducked his head. "What? You're not the _only_ one who can be crafty, Anakin Skywalker."

Anakin put a hand on Obi Wan's shoulder. "I've _gotta_ remember that one."

"Use it carefully. It doesn't work on everybody." Obi Wan stroked his beard, rolling his eyes. "Tsk. The nerve of that man. Honorary Jedi _, indeed._.."


End file.
